Ronda M. Walker: Teaching our daughters more than sugar and spice
I was in my mid-twenties, young and energetic. My life was filled with travel, excitement and opportunity. I even drove a cool convertible. I had few worries, tons of expectations, and an admittedly easy outlook on life. My colleague was in her mid-forties. She had a dour countenance and was hardened by life’s disappointments. We were friendly but we were not friends. We exchanged the expected office niceties but it never amounted to anything too in depth. One day as I passed by her desk I smiled at her and said hello and she stopped me. She gently touched my arm, looked me in the eye and said, “I wish you had known me before.” Her words confused me at first, but as I studied her eyes I completely understood what she meant. She wished I had known her before. Before her childhood dreams were crushed by the harsh realities of a life full of disappointment. She wished I had known her before when she was young, happy, and expectant. As she looked at me she could see herself, before. Now I am in my mid-forties and life has thrown a lot of harsh reality my way. As my 20-something self stood staring into the darkened eyes of my colleague, I shamefully admit I had more disdain than sympathy for her disposition. The girl I was back then could not begin to imagine the tsunami of emotion I would experience in my lifetime facing personal loss, pain, and disappointment. By the time I was 45 years old I had buried both of my parents and fought a nasty battle with stage III breast cancer, and those are just the highlights. Life sucker-punched me just as it had sucker-punched her. How do your present circumstances differ from the expectations of your childhood? Perhaps you dreamt of being a wife, a mother, having a beautiful home and healthy relationships. Perhaps you dreamt of having a successful career or philanthropic opportunities to contribute to your community. Perhaps you dreamt of travel, education, adventure, or creating something bigger than yourself. But instead of your dreams you got divorce, miscarriage, bankruptcy, rejection, loss, illness, heartbreak, adversity, and disappointment. You got sucker-punched by life. Perhaps if our life expectations had been better managed from a younger age, the disappointment could have been abated. Perhaps. As smart, experienced women we have a responsibility to speak truth to our daughters, to the next generation of women. We must prepare them to face everything life has in store for them. Not to crush their spirit or rob them of their innocence. But to build in them a strong core of faith and trust in themselves and the God who created them. Instead of the constant unicorns and sunshine, there must come an appropriate time when we grab our precious daughters by the hands, look them deep in the eye, and say, “brace yourself, baby, life is going to be tough.” But we don’t dare leave them in despair, instead we must teach them how to be tougher than their circumstances. I encourage every woman out there who has influence over the life of a young woman to help them prepare for life’s realities. Let them know that while life may have a happy ending, the journey will be filled with struggles. Let’s teach our girls: Get an education Take care of your body Spend wisely Give and receive love and respect Build savings Avoid debt Build and sustain healthy relationships Take time for yourself Teach your daughter how to manage stress and disappointment without ever using the words stress and disappointment. Go on a daily walk or bike ride with her Buy less junk food, and more fruit and vegetables Cultivate her hobbies Spend one on one time with her, listen more than you talk Make sure she keeps her body well rested Be her best example: don’t constantly be in a rush, never criticize your body, never put yourself or others down Model for her how to confidently adapt and adjust when plans don’t go your way If you are happy, she will be happy. If you are stressed, she will be stressed Ladies, the highs and lows of motherhood, career, and life are dizzying and the demands on our time are unrelenting. Our minds never stop thinking, working, planning. Life is tough, stressful, and at times unexpected but it is also joyful, exciting, and meaningful. We must show our daughters our strength and in doing so they will begin to build their own strength. We could sit and talk for hours about the mistakes we’ve made, about the negativity that beats us down daily, about the lack of appreciation we receive, and the bitter taste of disappointment. But ladies, the simple truth is this — we are a gorgeous tapestry of triumph and tragedy, strength and mercy, energy and exhaustion. We must celebrate our womanhood and pour strength and courage into the next generation of women. Even when you don’t feel amazing, believe that you are. We must keep each other encouraged and healthy and motivated, and we must teach our daughters their worth, their strength, and their hope. Because if the hand that rocks the cradle is broken, who is going to rule the world? ••• Ronda M. Walker is the Vice Chairman of the Montgomery County Commission, a wife, and a mother of four.
Ronda Walker: Happy Birthday Montgomery County
U.S. Army officer Lemuel P. Montgomery founded Montgomery County, Alabama in 1816 in what was then the Mississippi Territory. Montgomery County is older than the state of Alabama and has seen many changes over the past 200 years. The Montgomery County Commission spent all of 2016 celebrating the county’s bicentennial. The Commission has recognized the individuals that served and sacrificed to explore, develop and grow our county over the past two centuries. Among the activities done to honor the county this year: our school children made giant birthday cards and presented them to the Commission, local students designed and built a lovely metal statue, there was a celebration at our local fair, and county employees walked two hundred miles during the spring, and ESPN invited the Commissioners onto the field for recognition during the Camellia Bowl. As current residents of this beautiful land, it is our privilege and responsibility to build on what we have been given and to lay the foundation for the growth that will occur over the next 200 years. I was raised in Montgomery in the 1970s and 1980s and spent my youth playing softball, going on church trips, cheerleading for my public school, and participating in YMCA programs like Youth Legislature. My middle class family was loving and supportive and I was blessed with a simple but idyllic childhood. Since then I’ve lived in several U.S. states and in the metropolitan areas of Washington, D.C. and Honolulu, Hawaii and enjoyed my time in each place. But I’m glad I’ve come full circle and am raising my children in Montgomery. I desire for them to have all of the things I did… and much more. Montgomery has a small town feel with some wonderful big city amenities. If my husband and I want to dine at a nice restaurant we have multiple options. We can enjoy live theater at the nationally acclaimed Alabama Shakespeare Festival. The symphony and ballet offer spectacular entertainment. Or we can enjoy local theater at the Cloverdale Playhouse. Experiencing a night with the Montgomery Biscuits – our Double A baseball team – is a favorite pastime of thousands locally. The Shoppes at Eastchase offer anything your retail heart desires. For my children there is little league, the zoo, movie theaters, and museums. Our economic engines like Hyundai Motor Manufacturing Alabama, Coca-Cola United, and the many farms that dot the rural landscape blend nicely with our perennial powerhouses like Maxwell-Gunter Air Force Base, state government agencies, and the many colleges and universities in our area. But I believe Montgomery’s best resource is her people. Smart, genuine, hard-working individuals who have a deep faith and desire to serve. When your family welcomes a new baby, or you have an unexpected surgery, or when you experience a personal loss you can know someone will be on your front porch with a casserole within the day. Going out of town? Just ask a neighbor to check your mail and keep an eye on your home. Neighborhood associations throughout the county are strong and create small communities that watch out for each other. Walk downtown and you’ll get plenty of “hey y’alls” and doors held open. It’s a friendly, easy place to live. But it would be disingenuous of me not to mention that the people of Montgomery have unique challenges, many related to our past. When we insisted on separating black people and white people in public spaces and we justified denying an entire race of citizens their rights, we set the stage for future divisiveness and strife. When white Montgomerians nailed signs onto the walls of shops indicating what your skin color had to be to drink from a certain water fountain we set ourselves up for brokenness. Although my hands never held a hammer or drove a nail, my white-skinned family pays the price for the sins of our forefathers. Older black residents remember well the days of hatred, lost opportunity, and at times despicable brutality. For some, that brokenness manifests itself now in anger and distrust. However, many blacks of the 1960s generation see a new hope and vision for Montgomery. Although borne of a divide, we are a new Montgomery, a stronger Montgomery. Montgomery County is now majority black and our leadership has transitioned from predominantly white male to a strong blend of black, white, male, female, young and old. While some see the shifting demographics as a negative most, like myself, see it as a tremendous opportunity. As a new generation of Montgomery comes of age and rises to new leadership roles, we have an opportunity to show the nation how we can live together and succeed together as brothers and sisters so that we do not perish as fools. We will build the strongest community not just in the South, but the entire nation and we will do it as a blended microcosm of all that is great in our country, not as a segregated enclave reflecting an aged and unnecessary monolith. We will show our neighbors how people from different backgrounds, different generations, different races, genders, and social circles can come together and infuse our community with the best that every individual has to offer. Education, economic growth and crime are the issues of greatest concern for individuals across our nation and Montgomery is no different. Montgomerians will not bow to the negative rhetoric and disdain from those who prefer to sit comfortably shouting about problems rather than digging deep for solutions. We will focus on individuals and building relationships and from those relationships we will problem solve together. We will rise above our past and create a future many cannot imagine. Yes we have our mountains to climb, but if we will lay aside our individual agendas and consider the needs of future generations we will succeed. We cannot get stuck dwelling on our problems, rather we must work on solutions to critical issues such as expanding broadband access in the county and marketing our new Montgomery
Ronda M. Walker: Beyond the Jeff Sessions’ nomination — the trickle down effect
For the past eight years conservatives in Alabama have balked at the policies of the Barack Obama Administration. Now it’s the Republicans turn to govern. The Democrats had a few years, now the Republicans will have a few years. Americans, we are a pendulum people. We sway back and forth between conservative and liberal leadership every few years. A quick glance at contemporary Presidential history proves my point: Harry S. Truman (D) Dwight Eisenhower (R) John Fitzgerald Kennedy (D), assassinated and replaced by Lyndon Baines Johnson (D) Richard Nixon (R), resigned and replaced by Gerald Ford (R) Jimmy Carter (D) Ronald Reagan (R) George H.W. Bush (R) Bill Clinton (D) George W. Bush (R) Barack Obama (D) Donald Trump (R) I assume you see the pattern. The Republicans will soon control the White House and both Chambers of Congress. However, the same swing pattern is found in Congressional elections, specifically in a midterm, which likely means the 2018 Congressional midterms will likely not bode well for Republicans. But for now we have a Republican at the top making cabinet selections and an Alabamian has been nominated to serve as U.S. Attorney General. Several Alabamians have held cabinet-level positions including a few Surgeon Generals – Regina Benjamin of Mobile and David Satcher of Anniston. Condoleezza Rice of Birmingham is most definitely a favorite daughter and she served as the National Security Advisor and the Secretary of State. Winton M. Blount, born in Union Springs and settled in Montgomery, was Postmaster General for Richard Nixon back when Postmaster General was still a cabinet level position. So while this level of power is nothing new to Alabama, the nomination of Jeff Sessions is different. Sessions is a current statewide elected official. We know him. Personally. We’ve shaken his hand at barbecues in rural Alabama, we’ve bumped in to him on our visits to DC and he’s taken the time to say hello and ask about the family. Born in Selma and raised in Wilcox County Sessions attended Huntingdon College in Montgomery and the University of Alabama School of Law. He and his wife Mary now live in Mobile. Senator Sessions, while being one of the most powerful men in the world, is definitely one of us. And now one of us has been nominated by President-elect Donald Trump as the next Attorney General of the United States. Assuming Sessions’ confirmation by the U.S. Senate, Alabama will need a new U.S. Senator and the speculation is dizzying. But before we jump into the political what-ifs and maybes, I think it is important that we take a collective pause and enjoy the moment. The moment when our very own United States Senator, our highly respected native son, will likely transition from being a champion for Alabama to being a champion for America. That is a very big deal. But now let’s look beyond the Sessions’ nomination and consider the trickle down effect. Assuming Sessions’ confirmation to U.S. Attorney General, the Governor of Alabama has an appointment to make. As an appointee of Governor Robert Bentley myself, I will jump into the speculation fray and consider the route the Governor might take when making his nomination. In the summer of 2013 Jay Love announced he was leaving the Alabama House of Representatives, thus creating a vacancy in the House to be filled in a special election. Montgomery County Commissioner Dimitri Polizos was elected in that special election thus creating a vacancy on the County Commission. When a vacancy occurs on a County Commission, the Governor appoints an individual to fill the position until the next regular election. In December of 2013 I was interviewed by the Governor’s staff and subsequently asked to fill the remainder of Polizos’ Commission term. I was sworn in February 10, 2014 and had two years to serve before facing election to a full four-year term. So while the offices are vastly different, I would argue the Governor’s method of making an appointment will be somewhat similar in the case of Jeff Sessions. At the time the vacancy occurred on the Montgomery County Commission approximately twenty individuals reached out to the Governor and asked to be considered for the appointment. The same thing is happening now as individuals, both directly and through proxy, are making it clear to Governor Bentley they would like to receive the Senate appointment. While I was not privy to the internal deliberations, I can speculate on the scope of the conversations. First, the Governor wanted to appoint someone who knew Montgomery County, someone who understood the constituents they would represent. It was important that the appointee was knowledgeable of the issues facing the county. The Governor wanted someone who understood the strengths and weaknesses of local education, law enforcement, and economic development. Also, he wanted someone with a first-hand knowledge of the local personalities and flavor. And of course someone who had enough intelligence to differentiate between fact and fiction. That last consideration alone should keep several out of the running for Senate. I was raised in Montgomery County, educated in the public school system, and I made the decision to settle in Montgomery to raise my family. I know Montgomery; moreover I love Montgomery and want to see her succeed. Second, the Governor wanted an appointee who was willing to work with the current County Commission. The Governor had no interest in appointing someone who would cause trouble for the sake of causing trouble. Divisiveness and lines in the sand, he made clear, were counterproductive to progress. Governor Bentley wanted someone who was thoughtful and reasonable and willing to listen to all sides of an argument before making a decision. I believe my willingness to reach beyond partisan, racial, and ideological lines and do what was best appealed to the Governor. However, it was also important for the Governor that his appointee reflect the values and beliefs of the majority of the constituents of the district. The third commission district of Montgomery County is remarkably conservative. I am
Ronda M. Walker: How to recover from our election hangover
How do we recover from our election hangover? I was 20 years old when I had my first opportunity to vote in a presidential election. I was thrilled! I had my candidate’s bumper sticker on my car and I was confident he would be victorious. He lost. Four years later I had another opportunity to pick a presidential candidate and I did so with enthusiasm. This time I actually knew my candidate. Although I did not know him well, we did meet and I enjoyed his sense of humor and his dedication to public service as well as his commitment to coalition building. I just knew he was the best person to lead our country and I was proud to vote for him. He lost. Of the seven presidential elections I’ve voted in, my chosen candidate won only three times. I’ve known the thrill of victory, but more often I’ve felt the agony of defeat. The American people have endured a brutal campaign season the past 18 or so months. A campaign that came to a conclusion last night as election results rolled in state by state. We have a winner. An unpredicted winner. The polls, practically all of them, were wrong. The media was wrong. We are all experiencing some level of shock today. For some it’s an exuberant shock, for others devastating shock. About 50 percent of the popular vote went to the loser. So how do we recover? How do we move past the disappointment, hateful rhetoric, and divisive Facebook posts? First, we remember that our representative democracy is the best system on earth. The average American has a voice regarding our governance. Win or lose, our votes matter, we can vote representatives in and out of office. Our democracy has weathered the test of time. Although comparatively we are a young nation, we have presented our system of government many unique challenges and she has risen to the task and handled them beautifully. Second, whether you believe it or not, this is not the worst time in American history. Many will say they have never seen our nation so divided. They have never seen such dark and difficult days. To those that believe this is bad as it’s ever been, I encourage you to read up on your American history. Just a quick survey of the past 150 years is replete with examples of times that were far worse. From the horrors of slavery to the blood spilled in civil war. From the growing pains of shifting from an agrarian society to an industrialized society. To a global war, then a second global war. To the Great Depression and Dust Bowl. And remember the time we fought back against a murderous Nazi psychopath and won. We refused to allow our fellow citizens to be denied basic civil rights. We have seen our buildings fall and our sense of personal security shattered. We have seen tough times and we have persevered and come out stronger on the other side. But in order to recover from this election hangover there are a few specific things we all must do. First, pick up a history book. Refresh your knowledge about the founding of this nation, about the trials and tribulations we have faced and overcome. Second, diversify your sources of news and information. Do not make the mistake of relying on only one news source to keep yourself informed. Be it television, newspaper, or blogspot — diversify. Third, scale back your exposure to social media and expand your exposure to actual people. You have to understand that people paid specifically to stir the pot of hate and divisiveness write many of the comments on social media. Reading the comments gives you a false sense of reality. Enjoy social media as a medium to see photographs of your friends’ children, and to share your favorite recipes, but don’t use it as a source of news and information. Fourth, expand your circle of friends. There was a time I believed the majority of people in America had a four-year college degree. Because, most everyone I knew had one so it stood to reason others did too. The fact is only about 30 percent of Americans have a four-year college degree. If we have a tight circle of friends that think, look, and live like we do, we begin to experience a skewed sense of place. When is the last time you had someone into your home for a meal that has a different color skin than you? When is the last time you had a reasonable and respectful conversation about a controversial topic with someone who disagrees with your views? When is the last time you drove to the other side of town to shop at a store or dine at a restaurant? Do all of those things. If we avoid confronting our fear of the Other, then that fear grows and festers. However, if we face our fear, we will quickly realize our concerns of the unknown were largely unfounded. Is there someone in your workplace, church, or neighborhood you don’t trust? Get to know them. Do you have a local leader who made a decision that you disagree with? Instead of running them down behind their back or in a letter to the editor, call them on the phone and discuss the issue personally. I bet they would appreciate the opportunity to speak to you directly. Healing from the hate, fear, and divisiveness will only come through relationship building on a local level and that can happen regardless of who occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. As individuals, most of us cannot effect significant change on the national level. But what you can do is take your sick neighbor a meal. You can reach out to the child of the single mom who struggles to find enough time to spend with them because she works three jobs. You can ask that coworker to lunch that rubs you the wrong way. Endeavor to actually
Ronda M. Walker: Breast cancer awareness and the fight of my life
A friend suggested I write an article on breast cancer awareness for the month of October. That made sense to me and seemed simple enough since I am in the midst of the fight of my life against stage 3-breast cancer. I grabbed my laptop and pounded out paragraph after paragraph only to delete them all. I have learned so much this past year about breast cancer, my mind is full, but for some reason the article would not come together. The problem: the misnomer of awareness. October became breast cancer awareness month in 1985 – thirty years ago – so it stands to reason we should all know a lot about the disease, right? Wrong! Wearing pink doesn’t make you aware of the reality of breast cancer any more than wearing a jersey makes you a football player. As I sit here in the midst of my breast cancer fight, I am astounded at all I did not know about breast cancer this time last year. By mid-October last year I was tired of seeing all of the pink, I was tired of hearing about mammograms, I was ready to move on to November. Little did I know at the time breast cancer was growing like wildfire in my body, spreading into my lymphatic system, ready to kill me. I was 42 years old when I was diagnosed and in spite of the thirty yearlong awareness push I actually knew very little about breast cancer. From someone who has been in the game – who had her butt singed by the fires of hell and lived to tell about it – please let me make you a little more aware about breast cancer. First, a lot of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer, roughly 1 in 8. That means many of you reading this article will one day be told you have the disease or your wife, sister, mother, or daughter will get the dreaded news. Also, this is not a disease that just hits older women. I was forty-two when I was diagnosed and I can name a dozen women in my circle of friends who were younger than me when they were diagnosed. Early detection of the disease can make the difference between life and death, so if you value your life do not put off your annual mammogram and do some self-checking between doctor visits. About 40,000 women in American will die from breast cancer this year, and mammograms and early detection are critical. Mammograms will not prevent cancer, but early detection can mean the different between life and death. Next, be aware that all breast cancer is not created equal. There are many different types of breast cancer, some much worse than others. And as with any cancer, there are several different stages at which breast cancer might be identified. So when someone tries to encourage me by saying, “I am a 20 year breast cancer survivor.” My first question to them is, “Tell me about your diagnosis.” If you find your breast cancer early and it is small and contained your chances at a long, healthy life are very good. However, if you are diagnosed, like I was, with a later stage cancer the prognosis is not always as cheery. Moreover, there are terms associated with breast cancer that perhaps you have never heard like triple negative, inflammatory, and estrogen receptor that change your course of treatment as well as your long-term prognosis. So please be aware that while all breast cancer is scary to deal with, all breast cancer is definitely not created equal. Yesterday I saw an old friend and she said to me, “So, all your cancer is gone now, that is wonderful!” And I have to admit that is what most people think, that doctors can make all the cancer go away with aggressive treatment. Please be aware – doctors can NEVER tell you that you are CANCER FREE! That is a pie in the sky myth that might help some people move on with their lives but it just ain’t true. Once you have endured cancer treatment a positron emission tomography (PET) scan will be done to determine if there is any apparent cancer remaining in your body. Please note the word apparent – no scan can see one single cancer cell lurking in the deepest recesses of your body. While you might not have any apparent cancer, you might very well have one little cancer cell hanging out, waiting to meet up with some friends and form a nice, big malignant tumor. So when your friend announces they are finished with treatment and received a good report from the PET scan that does not mean they are literally cancer free. It is not over for them, ever. Of course since all cancer is not created equal, if they just had a small, contained tumor the odds that they no longer have any cancer cells in their body are good. But even if they experience the best possible results from treatment, the reality is cancer could return any minute – and that is the terrifying reality they have to live with the rest of their lives. One person said to me, “If you have to have cancer, breast cancer is the best one to get.” Seriously? It is the second leading cancer killer in women behind lung cancer. If you are fortunate enough to survive the disease, you get to spend the rest of your life disfigured. In my case badly disfigured. Some people seem to think breasts are disposable since they serve no life-sustaining function like our heart, lungs, or kidneys. Please, be aware that having your breasts amputated brings with it a lifetime of physical and emotional pain that eclipses in one day the level of pain most people experience in the course of their entire lives. Don’t let the cheery pink commercialized month of October fool you; breast cancer is a harsh, debilitating killer.
Ronda M. Walker: Honoring womanhood, politics with strength, compassion
When I was told I have stage 3 breast cancer this past December, I decided to make my diagnosis and treatment public. I am, after all, a public servant and I have spent most of the past 20 years working in the public sphere. It was my hope that discussing my cancer would encourage, educate, and help others. What I didn’t expect is that others would encourage, educate, and help me. As a member of the Montgomery County Commission, I am no stranger to speaking with the news media. However, it was a new experience telling them about my health issues. My first interviews came Dec. 29, after a commission meeting. Right after Christmas, the video frame even included a Christmas tree in the background. I talked about my diagnosis and treatment plan through a haze of fear and uncertainty from the shock of my diagnosis. I felt like none of the words I spoke could be real. At 42, I could not be talking about my cancer; it simply could not be happening. Only 12 days before my family and I were preparing for Christmas. My husband and I have four children – ages 6 to 16 – and we were busy with baking, wrapping, and decorating, unaware of the coming trial. We enjoyed the everyday pleasures of family and friends. We had no expectations of biopsies and body scans. Everything changed, though, when I discovered a lump in my right breast. I knew immediately something was very wrong and spent an agonizing weekend before I could see a doctor. The tests were positive, and suddenly I found myself in front of a camera saying, “I have cancer.” I consider myself a public servant, not a politician. Politics is a tough, oftentimes ugly business that can mire us in negativity. Politics can be filled with trickery, deception, and distrust while a public servant puts the needs of their constituents above their own and doesn’t seek personal advancement at the expense of the whole. Being a woman in politics adds another dimension to the challenge. I’m the first woman on the Montgomery County Commission in more than 14 years. Politics is a man’s game and has the tendency to be tough on women. Ironically, women in politics have a tendency to be tough on other women in politics and as women, we are typically our own toughest critics. We are piled on at every turn. The past few months, though, I found that in the toughest times, it’s the women in my life who rally around and offer support. Almost immediately after those first interviews aired friends and strangers alike contacted me. I received telephone calls, letters, and emails that overwhelmed me with their encouragement and hope. Suddenly none of us were Republicans or Democrats, liberals or conservatives, public school or private school, stay-at-home or working moms. We were defined not by the issues that divide us, but by our humanity. That humanity helped me through my darkest hours. An army of women at the ready gathered to help me any way necessary. They researched for me, sat with me at medical appointments, brought meals for my family, ran errands when I was too sick to leave the house. Those women drove my kids to school, took them out to eat, and let them play at their homes when I was too weak to take care of them. Those women prayed over me, spoke words of truth to me, and encouraged me. We should cling to that model of love and support, and move out of the valley onto the mountaintop. When we get to know someone in a personal way, when we stand with them in the tough times, then when the disagreements come in the public sphere we can disagree with respect and understanding. When my course of treatment is over, my health is restored, and I am not consumed with chemotherapy but with public service, I will not forget the support I received in the valley. When once again issues are being debated, frustrations are high, disagreements are public I will cling to the experience of sympathy, patience, and love I had in the valley. I will no longer sweat the small stuff. I will appreciate people — not processes, politics, or platitudes — but people. I will honor my womanhood by being tough, wise, and compassionate. Woman, how divine your mission, Here upon our natal sod; Keep on, keep the young heart open Always to the breath of God! All true trophies of the ages Are from mother-love impearled, For the hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world.
