Angi Stalnaker: A letter to Santa from the people of Alabama
Dear Santa, It’s been a crazy year in Alabama and we could use a break from the madness. On behalf of all of the good little boys and girls in this state who have been good all year, we want to ask you for a few Christmas miracles as we look ahead to 2017. First and foremost, we would really appreciate a scandal free year. Ok, maybe asking for an entire year without a nationally televised embarrassing event is too much to expect even from you, Santa, but can we get a month or two without a feature story on the Rachel Maddow show? We would also like to ask you for reasonable payday lending reform legislation. This issue keeps making its way through the halls of the legislature and if we could have a realistic solution that everyone could live with, we would be so thankful. Speaking of issues that keep coming up over and over again. Can you use your Christmas magic to help us ensure that Alabama’s children get the education they deserve? Every child deserves a good education with a meaningful diploma and grades that they actually earned. Can you please see to it that this gift finds a place on our sleigh this year? Finally, can you give our state the gift of a meaningful budget process? We understand that everyone wants their piece of the taxpayer funded pie but we would like a way to ensure that there is enough money in the budget to fund the programs that really need it and maybe make wiser selections when it comes to the entire budgeting process. I know I have asked for a lot this Christmas but please keep in mind these gifts are for all Alabamians and, after the year we have had, we deserve a little something special. Don’t you agree? We will leave some cookies and milk for you on the steps of the Capitol. Merry Christmas! From the people of Alabama!
Survey says Donald Trump would make best Santa – and we’re not joking
Of all the presidential candidates Americans think Donald Trump would make the best Santa. That’s according to a semi-scientific poll that, for some reason, asked participants which presidential hopeful would make the best Good Ole St. Nick. Trump commanded the poll with 23 percent of people indicating he’d make the best Santa. Nevermind Trump just demanded CNN pay him $5 million to participate in a presidential debate, he’s clearly the most fit to be the world’s biggest giver of gifts. Maybe people thought Trump fit the bill because he’s the most likely to mutter the words, “HO HO HO” in a real life setting? Trump likely won this meaningless little race because 54 percent of the respondents in the Ebates survey indicated they based their pick on who would be the most generous. Sure, Trump has a lot of money — like HUUUUUUUUGE amounts — as he loves to point out over and over. And over and over. And over. You get the point. But does that necessarily mean he’s willing to give it up? My guess is no considering his hatred of literally anyone who isn’t him. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that Bernie Sanders came in second as best Santa. First of all, he actually has white hair. Second of all, he’s a socialist, right? Those dudes love to give sh*t away! Hillary Clinton was voted at the bottom of the list as best Santa. While the study (if you can call something this ridiculous that) doesn’t specifically mention it, my guess is it’s because she’s, you know, not a dude. The Democratic front-runner, however, was ranked as second most generous behind (sigh) Trump. This little exercise in nonsense begs several questions, the top of which is, what in the living hell is wrong with people? First, who thought this was a good use of money. Does anyone give an actual flying you know what which presidential candidate would make a good Santa? And Donald Trump people. Really? That’s basically an unspoken statement that Santa is actually a real a$$hat. If Donald Trump makes the best Santa than kids should expect the jolly fat guy to come barreling down the chimney making fun of disabled people, women, immigrants, people from other countries and basically, everyone. They should expect him also to proclaim something about China at least three times and then build a wall around their house and send the bill to the family. Merry effing Christmas, peasants. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go wall off my own chimney so Donald Trump doesn’t come down it later this month with Hitler-inspired musings about requiring Muslims to carry special IDs. This survey was conducted online within the United States by Insant.ly on behalf of Ebates.com in October 2015 among 1,128 adults ages 18 and older and 516 teens ages 13-16. This online survey is not based on a probability sample and therefore no estimate of theoretical sampling error can be calculated.
