I’ve got my two front teeth, so here’s what I really want for Christmas

Christmas tree

All I want for Christma… I mean, the holiday… or is it holidays? Would it be ok if I said X-mas? No? Ok, back to Christmas. Let’s start over.

All I want for Christmas is a lot.

I want more cameras in city hall. What good is a fight between a mayor and city council if we can’t watch it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for what we have. The post fight interviews and pictures of the bruises were more than I ever dreamed of receiving, but some surveillance tape would have given us MUCH more airtime on the national news. Any press is good press, right?

(Try to not throw up for this next one.)

I want more technology in the Governor’s mansion. If it’s true that the “oh-so-sexy-Bentley-Caldwell-Mason-someone-throw-acid-in-my-eyes” affair was originally exposed because he didn’t know his devices were connected, can you imagine how much fun we could have if he had Snapchat? Sweet kissy-face selfies accidentally posted as stories are what dreams are made of. Use of the “make me look younger and less wrinkly” filter would go through the roof!

All I really want for Christmas is for the Trump cabinet to be completed so we can all move forward. I hear that he’s days away from naming Bud Bollweevil Secretary of Cotton. Shortly after, he’s expected to call on Colonel Sanders to head up the Chicken protection agency and I’m confident the members of Cobra Kai are going to make an amazing anti-bullying coalition. Finally, in an “unpresidented” move, the Hamburglar will be named both head of The National Health Committee and Secretary of Crime Prevention.

2016 was something else. We had plenty to talk about, but the tears and worry came alongside the chatter. Let’s hope that 2017 brings reasonable, capable, and thoughtful members of society to leadership roles. Let’s hope we appreciate this amazing country that lets us believe what we choose and that we don’t let those beliefs oppress or harm others. As a state, let’s look around and think about why we’re always 49th in everything. We can and will do better in 2017.

If you guys don’t mind, I’m going to pass around this “thank you, Mississippi” card for everyone to sign. If anyone wants to throw in a couple of front teeth, they’d appreciate it.


Will LochamyWill Lochamy is co-host of the radio show, “Oh Brother Radio” on Birmingham Mountain Radio (107.3FM).